her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize