Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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