My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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