1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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