I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
oh god the rape fog is back!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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