The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
