Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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