"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
