Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
