so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
