Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize