Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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