I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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