ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
