The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
