dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You have to summon your inner elephant
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize