I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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