At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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