what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
