Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
