sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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