I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize