We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
