On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
