All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
