It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
