so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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