My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she looked like the before picture.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
