I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
