And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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