I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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