just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We had sex on a dog bed..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
