I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
