i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
pop tarts are not kleenex
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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