Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
