omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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