too bad you live with your parents still
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
