i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
