I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
