I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
