I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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