So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
