I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the condom got lost in my hair
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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