i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize