hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
