im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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