So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
