Do you still have your period?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
