you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
