they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
