Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
