I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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