I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Is it penis luge time yet?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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