I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
