Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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