hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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