Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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