Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
where am i from again
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
