you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
