so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
