it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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