it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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