forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
