I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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