I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
