Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
