Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize