Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
