I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
