I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
