I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
