I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize