dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
