Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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