Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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