You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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