when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i need some magic done to my vagina
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
