I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
