she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
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