I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
