I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
