I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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