Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
