I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
