I need help removing her.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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