I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize