god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Your penis caused this!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize