Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
