He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
