They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize