I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
