My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
