nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
