Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
