this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
