Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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