She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
