Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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