I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
