weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
