just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Randomize
