You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
