I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
