you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
