Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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