He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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