oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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