Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
