I swear she didn't look like that last week.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize