if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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