I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
