i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
