I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
