My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I wear drunk well.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
