i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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