I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
