3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ambien. No doubt about it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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