i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
