i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
