All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
