Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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