Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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