woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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