I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
