Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
