I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
