I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
