No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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