cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
