my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
