Where is the hickey?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
