How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
