wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
