our cab driver is having phone sex.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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