do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
